MY SECRET PAST LIFE

The post that could change your whole perception of me.

A couple of recent conversations made me realise that some people in my life (even ones that I've known for years and years and even some that are related to me eg nieces and nephews), have no idea what I used to be. Certainly, all my virtual blogging friends (bar one from memory) have no inkling.

It's not something I tend to volunteer unless it comes up in some capacity. It was only short-lived and now seems so long ago that talking about it is like talking about another person in another life. Rest assured I wasn't a stripper or anything along those lines! But the truth may still shock.

It came up once in a discussion on Bridget's Flame (no idea in what context) and I clearly remember telling Bridget  Caitlin that one day I would blog about it. Well, one day is finally here. I asked some of my blog followers whether they thought I was

a) a retail assistant

b) a solicitor

c) a doctor or

d) an accounts manager

but nobody guessed. I don't think I could ever be a retail assistant, maths bored the hell out of me at school so could never see myself crunching the numbers so to speak, a doctor...hmmm, don't think I could handle the ickiness of it all...so that leaves law. Yes, I was a solicitor. Albeit for a couple of short years. This is after I graduated from uni...I didn't pull out of a law degree, I pulled out of a law career.

Okay, will wait for you to pick yourself up off the floor. What are you thinking? "She strikes me as being of quite average intelligence (hope you didn't think dumb), how did she do a law degree?" lol or "Why in the hell would you abandon a law degree after all that time and effort? She could be wealthy right now!" Both of these questions have been sort of expressed to me in the past (not so bluntly) and my responses are a) you don't have to be that smart to practise law and b) entry level solicitors earn a lot less than other professions.

So why did I leave? Because I hated it. Hated it with every ounce of my being and didn't realise quite how much I hated it until I left and was free of it. Let me clarify by saying I didn't hate law. I loved Legal Studies at school and finished near the top of the state for the subject in my Higher School Certificate. I liked and perhaps even loved a lot of my law subjects. I really enjoyed the subject matter. Looking back at essays I wrote though, I have no idea what I was saying. I obviously knew a foreign language back then :)

What I didn't like was the culture of the legal profession. It was a boy's club and an elitist one at that. The boy's club bit I could have probably got over because there were plenty of great female solicitors out there. Oh, my only little claim to fame in that period was that I attended College of Law (the practical  15 week bit undertaken after the 5 year degree) at the same time as former Prime Minister John Howard's daughter. She of course got the privilege of a car space and security, the rest of us travelled like sardines in crowded trains then walked carrying loads of heavy law books. 

Where was I? Yes, it wasn't the boy's club culture that I hated as much as the elitist culture that seemed to pervade. It wasn't everyone, but there were a lot of people who thought that they were better than the next person, better than their clients, better than their staff and all because they had a law degree. I just didn't subscribe to that train of thought. I didn't give a shit about a piece of paper hanging on the wall. That wasn't the requirement for friendship. Heck, in my book I could regularly have lunch with people who didn't have a law degree. But that was frowned upon. I was once told to my face that I lunched too often with the office staff! The guy who said it could have knocked me over with a feather! Wonder if he ever stopped to think it was because the staff were a lot nicer and far better company?!

I still have law books sitting on m shelf

I went through two law firms...I was at the first for nearly the whole period. The last one I only made it through a couple of months. Some of my bosses (not all) were sheer bastards. They had split personalities and treated their staff with such contempt and disrespect that I just couldn't handle it. So I walked.

Brave or stupid? Many (most?) would say stupid, but to me it was the best decision I ever made. I don't regret studying law. That's the bit people don't get. I don't think I wasted 5+ years of my life. I learned a lot (although don't ask me any legal questions now, I won't have the answer). I experienced a lot. I got given the shittiest of shit jobs, but I met some amazing people. And some not so amazing people. I did things I wasn't very proud of (approval for a brothel not high on my list of achievements) but I also accomplished things I never thought I would (I appeared in the Federal Court of Australia for a 10 minute mention in a 10 year old case that had thousands of files and for which I knew not one fact - WTF?!). I even did things that were a precursor to my next profession (I took a group of uni students on an excursion around the city, set exams for them and marked their exams...I drew the line at giving a lecture! Two things about this: a) it totally sucked that I was doing all this for peanuts while my boss probably collected big bucks and b) taking a larger group of 7-8 year olds to the city for an excursion to Hyde Park and Sydney Tower in my future profession was way more fun)!

So that's it. My dirty little secret. A past life in a profession that seems prestigious on the surface but isn't always so underneath. Have to say here that I couldn't have walked without my husband's support...I met him while I was at law school (he's an honest to goodness carpenter by trade) and quit law just before our wedding from memory! He always jokes that he married me for the money, then I went and ditched it all hehe. But in all seriousness, he could see that I was miserable and encouraged me to follow my heart. I haven't looked back since!

Anyone else have a secret past profession that they left behind for better and brighter things?

The Tooth Fairy and More Teeth Dramas



Thomas with his missing tooth and his instant new tooth!


It seems a little strange to be posting about teeth two posts in a row...but here we are. Now, where do I begin? Thomas and his teeth have always been an issue...well, I should say he makes them into an issue.

Ever since he learnt about the tooth fairy, he has been hanging to lose teeth. He didn't think it was fair to have to wait until he was older. He wanted his tooth to fall out "right now". Trying to explain that it would happen when it happened didn't quite cut it.

But then things happened which caused him to become wary about losing his first tooth. Two friends, Giorgia and Helena, both swallowed their first teeth that came out. This caused great concern for Thomas. Lots of worrying, lots of questions, lots of hesitation about which foods he should and shouldn't eat (apples became a concern, but go figure, chocolate could still be devoured).

Then one night a couple of weeks ago, sitting around the table at my parents' for our usual family night dinner, Thomas said his mouth felt strange. It was the second time he had said it so I thought he might have an ulcer or something in his mouth. I had a peek and lo and behold, there was a new tooth growing behind Thomas' baby teeth! And the baby tooth in front of it was a little loose. We all made a big deal about a tooth fairy visit not being far off.

In an instant we were halted in our tracks, as we heard a loud yell followed by uncontrollable crying coming from across the table...Daniel! Competitiveness was once again rearing its ugly head! Daniel was having an apparent meltdown as he lamented the fact that Thomas would be getting a visit from the tooth fairy (and a gift of money) and he would not! In a desperate attempt to continue on with our hot meals, my brother hastily promised to give Daniel some money as well once Thomas' tooth fell out and Sam (in a moment of madness) jokingly promised he would pull Daniel's tooth out with pliers once Thomas lost his. Daniel doesn't forget.

Did more drama follow? Of course it did. One afternoon I arrived to pick Thomas up at school and he greeted me with a worried expression and then proceeded to ask me whether he had holes in his teeth. I was a little puzzled but laughingly dismissed his query, realising he probably meant the gaps in his teeth. I explained they were gaps not holes and that there was nothing to worry about. Then his teacher pulled me aside and explained that he had been very upset during the day when another student had told him he had holes in his teeth. She too assured him they were gaps and gaps were okay.



The first tooth Thomas has lost. Look closely in centre of circle. 



Yay for today because today that wobbly tooth fell out! Thomas ran into the laundry where I was washing, asking "Is this my tooth?" Yes, yes it was! Wow! I forgot how teeny tiny those first baby teeth really are! I lovingly wrapped many a tooth in tissues and sealed with sticky tape for students to take home when I was teaching...this was an exciting moment...until...I went and stupidly said, "There's a lot of blood...we better go wash your mouth out!" I said this to a child who is a hypochondriac at the best of times. Blood spells disaster in his mind. He promptly burst into tears and it took quite a bit of counselling to calm him down and have him wash his mouth out.

End of drama? No...this is Thomas we are talking about...and of course, his lovable sidekick Daniel. Remember the promises made to Daniel? Well, Daniel remembered. We had arm crossing, fist swiping, feet stamping and a demand to call Dad to come home straight away and knock his tooth out with a hammer! Umm...yeah, he has a good memory but sometimes he gets lost on the minor details! Doesn't sound too good that he wants his Dad to knock his teeth out as promised, with a hammer no less! I eventually calmed Daniel down even though he still wasn't too happy about waiting for his teeth to fall out naturally.

Then night fell and we had more complaining from Thomas....his mouth felt funny and so on. I explained this was because he was missing a tooth and he wasn't used to having a space there (despite the other tooth already making an appearance). I cautioned him not to keep touching it with his tongue. Why? Well, I told him he shouldn't so as to prevent his tooth growing crooked. "But what if it does?" he asks. Stupid me then put my foot in it again - "We'll just get you braces". Another outburst of tears ensued. He doesn't want braces because Claudia my niece told him they hurt! Thanks Claudia! At this point Daniel was chiming in saying braces are only for girls!

Eventually, order was restored. The tooth is now in a glass of water sitting on the shelf in Thomas' room. Now all we have to worry about is how that tooth fairy is going to get in there and deposit his little gift without being sprung...

Has anyone else had major dramas with the loss of first teeth?

My (almost) 2 year old is a HEAD BANGER!

Yeah, I'm not talking heavy-metal music fan here...although that would probably concern me too (sorry to all the heavy metal fans out there).  I'm talking the literal action of banging one's head against hard objects like walls, cupboards and glass doors. It's painful and often excruciating to watch....not that I sit there and casually observe! I do try and stop him but this is usually to no avail.

Let me begin by saying that Samuel has met all his developmental milestones (sounds like a job application) and in all other respects, he is a "normal" (whatever that is) twenty one and a half month old. But yesterday afternoon when he had another meltdown and decided to do some head banging and screaming, I got worried and did what any worried mother does...no, I didn't call the doctor, I googled head banging in toddlers or some other such phrase. And guess what? It's perfectly normal, although it's 3 to 4 times more likely to happen with boys! Why is everything scary always more likely to happen with boys?! I have 3 boys and this always seems to be the case... boys more likely to be delayed in their speech, boys more likely to have febrile convulsions, boys more likely to swallow coins... okay, I made the last one up but it does seem boys are just more likely for whatever reason to do all these things!

Samuel head bangs in three distinct situations:

1. When he's trying to fall asleep

2. When he's teething and

3. When we say "no" to him

And guess what? These are three of the google listed reasons for head banging! See, music didn't come into the equation. Samuel has always banged his head against his mattress when trying to put himself to sleep. Apparently, my husband used to do it as a child too and apparently it replicates a rocking motion that children are familiar with from the womb. Still, it looks mighty uncomfortable. Sometimes, he's banging his head so much (with eyes closed) that he's literally bouncing up and down on the mattress.

The head banging because of being told "no" is understandable but still oh so hard to watch. I know I should be ignoring it so as not to encourage the behaviour (he does stop and wait for a reaction immediately after such a head bang) but it's really hard to ignore a toddler bouncing off kitchen cupboards and glass doors! We cringe every time he does it!

But the teething related head bang is by far the very worst. For the record, Daniel (middle child) was the dream teether...he dribbled and gurgled and out popped the teeth. Thomas, the eldest, screamed the house down at all hours and at the time, I thought that was excruciating but in comparison to Samuel's teething, that was a walk in the park. Samuel is in such apparent agony that he screams like...like...I don't even know how to describe it...just sheer and absolute pain! Painkillers like Panadol and Bonjela don't usually have much of an effect. He beats his head against walls and his cot as he screams and it's beyond what a mother can endure. So I try holding him...but that's just as bad. He continues to scream and beats his jaw against my shoulder (the only part of me that doesn't seem to be cushioned by fat!) so hard that it aches. My back aches from standing and bearing his weight and my head aches from the shrill screaming in my ears and my heart aches because I can hear and see the pain but I can't take it away...I just have to ride it out with him. Again, this is all "normal behaviour" - children bang their heads as a distraction from the primary source of pain. It doesn't seem to make sense that one would distract oneself from pain with other pain...but according to Googled authorities, it's not hurting as much as we seem to think. Children this age don't have the strength to do any real damage to themselves and in any case, their heads are shaped to withstand natural falls etc at this age as they learn to walk and explore the world. I felt better reading things like that, although it still won't be easy to watch.

And finally, amongst my research a little gem, a ray of hope...a study found that child head bangers were likely to have increased intelligence! Yay, Samuel's just gaining intelligence by banging his head against a wall...WTF? I don't get it either...

SEEING RED: School Morning Chaos

I thought it was just my household, but after speaking to many parents and reading Facebook and Twitter updates, it seems that school mornings spell chaos and bedlam in houses across the country! I have three boys aged 1 ½ , 4 and 5 years old and I have to leave the house by 8:45am at the latest. Sounds easy, right? Just have to get up early enough, be organised and all will fall into place? Well, I've tried! I really have! But something happens to the minutes between 7 ;30 am and 8:45am that defies explanation. They disappear within the blink of an eye. And inevitably, we are always hurtling out the door with shoes half on, uniforms not tucked in, half dirty faces...and me screaming like a madwoman! 

I was hoping this morning would be different. We would be returning to school with the full force of the bright and shiny star chart behind us. But alas, the star chart lost some of its shine overnight. My 5 year old told me exactly what he thought of stars on a school morning!


The first hurdle is getting everyone out of bed. If everyone had listened the night before and gone to bed when asked, we wouldn't be so tired and grumpy! But as usual, at least one of them has gone to bed past their bedtime the night before and so proves very difficult to wake. The little one chooses mornings when we are particularly late to wee through his pyjamas so then there is a mad scramble to change and dress him whilst trying to wake his older brothers and/or make breakfast. Don't you love how they time everything perfectly?


Breakfast. Ah, the joys of breakfast! “What would you like for breakfast?” is a question that just shouldn't be asked! “No, you cannot have scrambled eggs and pancakes for breakfast!! WE ARE LATE!!!” I'm sure they do it on purpose...I'm convinced they are trying to drive me mad. My eldest once asked for three breakfasts! Yes, you read correctly – THREE! First Cornflakes, then Weetbix and finally a bowl of Rice Bubbles. He barely gets through half a bowl of one breakfast, let alone three! “Let's just start with the first and see how we go,” I manage to spit out between gritted teeth.


Breakfast is followed by the drama of teeth brushing. Most parents have learned not to send children to wash their teeth with uniforms already on...it just ends in disaster...a white, snail-like trail down a shirt isn't quite the look the Principal had in mind for his respectable students, I'm sure. With my boys the teeth brushing segment of the morning usually involves either arguing or deep and meaningful instruction about how to brush teeth...my eldest “teaching” my middle man exactly how it's done. That would be great and so positively nice, IF WE HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!!! On other mornings, I hear singing and strange noises coming from the bathroom and I walk past to discover that even though they have been in there for 20 minutes already, NO TEETH HAVE BEEN BRUSHED!!!! Aaaarrrggghhh can you understand why my patience is running thin by this time?


Do I even need to mention uniforms? Why can't a 5 year old dress himself? Not because he is incapable, but because he is LAZY! I really should follow through on my threat of “If you don't hurry up, you can go to school in your pyjamas!” Wonder how many times that sentence has been repeated in households across the country? One morning last term, he actually managed to put on his own socks, albeit complaining that his shoes felt uncomfortable. I told him that was impossible since he had already been wearing the shoes for a term and a half. Lo and behold that night we discovered he had put his school socks on over his bed socks! I guess that's better than my other son...he wore two pairs of undies!


Lost shoes, lost ties, lost bags, lost homework, lost 'news' items, lost drink bottles...it doesn't matter how organised you are the night before, something is always “lost” right before it's time to jump in the car! Either that, or someone needs to go to the toilet – even though they have had ALL MORNING to go and relieve themselves! And to make matters worse, it's usually a number two that needs doing which is inevitably followed by screams to wipe their arse! I don't recall being the designated arse-wiper!


By the time I turn the key in the car's ignition, I feel like I've run a marathon...I glance at the clock and scream “WE'RE LATE!!!!” I don't understand how this is possible. I'm sure I woke up with the birds this morning. Other mums all saying the same thing on the playground proves strangely reassuring. It's not just me. Everyone has been screaming like a madwoman this morning :)


So next time you scoff at a group of mums sitting in a coffee shop after having dropped off their kids, remember, they went through hell for that coffee! Let them enjoy it in relative peace, for in a few short hours afternoon mayhem begins...

Should children be banned from restaurants?


At my mum's 60th birthday a few years back

Yesterday afternoon on talk back radio, I heard an interview with Mike Vuick, owner of McDain's, a restaurant in Pennsylvania. It is attached to a golf driving range and is a little more upmarket than the usual casual dining eatery from what I could gather. The reason he was being interviewed on Australian radio (his 55th interview for the week he claimed) was that he had made the decision to ban children under the age of six from eating in his restaurant.

Vuick's reasoning was that babies communicate by crying and that toddlers can't keep still. He felt that other patrons had the right to come to his upmarket establishment and enjoy a meal free from the noise and antics of children. He was also concerned that children running around would inevitably cause a "catastrophic" event if they ran into a waiter holding a large platter of food.

The decision received mixed reviews from locals, however most seemed to support it. The talk back callers here in Australia were overwhelmingly in support of it. And these weren't just childless couples, singles or older people ringing up. Everyone - from parents to grandparents - thought this was a genius idea! This really surprised me but got me thinking about times when I have taken my children to a restaurant. Admittedly, I don't do it very often. I find babysitters and offload whenever I can! But that's always been for the sole purpose of sitting and enjoying a hot meal and some adult conversation...I haven't really given much thought to other patrons. I tend to take the boys to family owned restaurants more.

I don't take them to up-market restaurants and when I do take the boys out to eat, my husband and I do make an effort to keep them in their seats and we certainly don't let our 2 year old run freely around!  We take things to keep them entertained because we understand kids are kids and they are not just going to eat and then sit and listen to adult conversation for 2 hours...things like small cars, pencils and colouring-in books and their Leapfrog Explorers. My sister in-law doesn't travel to a restaurant without her portable DVD player because it keeps her daughter entertained during the meal. So I'm wondering if it's just lax parents that should be banned rather than children? Or are kids these days just loud and unruly? Should children be not heard and not seen? Or are there just some restaurants that should cater for children and others that should be adult only?

After listening to all the callers, I'm feeling a bit guilty about having taken my kids out!! That photo at the top was taken at a restaurant a few years back when we went out to celebrate my mum's 60th birthday. I only had Thomas and Daniel back then and my niece Alessia was also there. It was hard to keep them still that night because they were a bit young but we did try our best. I remember getting a filthy look from another patron who was there with a small sleeping baby...she seemed to think it was okay to be there with a baby but not toddlers...but what if that baby had started screaming? Our little ones weren't screaming, just talkative and generally happy.

Mind you, I like (really, really like) going out to dinner with friends whilst my children have a sleepover at my parent's place. However, I don't mind if my friends bring along their children or if other patrons have children. I don't expect them to sit in silence either. I smile knowingly at other people battling to keep their children still because I know it's a difficult task. I don't begrudge them a meal out. Maybe I'm just more tolerant?

What does everyone think? Should more restaurants take a leaf out of Mike Vuick's book and ban children under the age of six?

BABY, YOU'RE A STAR!

I'm not quite sure what took me so long, but last week I put the tried and tested star chart system into action - and it worked! Before going on permanent maternity leave to raise my three young men, I was a teacher. As such, I sometimes used reward systems as a means of behaviour management. Obviously, it couldn't be the only method of behaviour management and wasn't suitable for all students or all situations. However, most young children (in my experience) would give their right arm for a sticker. Go figure!

I just never thought it would work with my boys. They have strong genes of the stubborn and strong-minded variety. In particular, I could see Thomas turning his nose up at a sticker and responding with a "so what?" when I offered it as a reward. But alas, even my strong-willed little men are susceptible to the shiny little foil stars that light up star charts everywhere.

I wanted something simple and easy because there was no way I was going to be able to maintain it otherwise. I didn't want to be printing star charts every week or buying thousands of stars...so this is what I did >> I downloaded a blank star chart from chorecharts.com and then added some clip art for chores that I particularly wanted my children to complete - things like brushing their teeth, dressing themselves, having a shower without complaining or fighting and so forth. I laminated a chart for each of my two eldest boys and also laminated a whole heap of stars as well so they could be re-used. I could have just drawn on laminated chart with markers but thought they would like the stars better. A bit of Blu-Tac and voila, we have star charts!

Thomas and Daniel's star charts

Amazingly, the promise of a little shiny star suddenly gave Thomas the ability to dress himself! I cannot tell you how pleased I am about this! Daniel would dress himself each morning, whilst Thomas would complain that he just couldn't. Manya  school morning was spent yelling at him to hurry up and get dressed (which he would refuse to do). Now, suddenly, he is able to and willingly does. Alleluia!

I probably could have got away with just stars as a reward in itself but thought the novelty might last longer if I offered something else. Again, I didn't want the "something else" to be anything to difficult (or expensive) for me to deliver! So we I came up with the following - if they get 25 out of the possible 35 stars each week, they get a special dessert or treat and if they get 35 out of 35 stars I will take them somewhere special (nothing extravagant, maybe just to the park or a play centre or somewhere else they love).

This is only our second week of using the star charts and all still good. Last week, Daniel got 25 stars and Thomas got 26. Their reward was a dessert comprising fresh strawberries, a chocolate wafer stick and some melted chocolate to dip them in. They loved this treat so much that they want it every week!

Not sure how long this enthusiasm for stars will last, but I'm going to enjoy it while I can!





Thomas enjoying his first week's reward



Daniel wearing his first week's reward :)



Some Creative Holiday Fun



Thomas, Natasha and Daniel busy at work


We've had a busy holiday period so far and have even managed to throw in some craft! However, this activity was one we indulged in last Christmas - and since it was a big hit with the kids, I thought I would share. We made Christmas decorations but the activity can easily be adapted and children's imaginations can be left to run wild!

What we made were Salt Dough Ornaments. Thomas, Daniel and my niece Natasha all helped mix the dough, then they each made their ornaments using cookie cutters. We then baked them and painted them. Here are the instructions:

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups plain flour
1/2 cup fine table salt
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2/3 cup chilled water
Decorating supplies (paint, glitter, ribbon etc)
1 tablespoon of lemon juice (this is optional but makes the end product harder)

Method
Preheat oven to 120 degrees Celsius.
Line baking trays with baking paper.
Mix flour and salt in a bowl.
Make a well in the centre and pour in oil.
Gradually add water, and lemon juice (if desired), stirring mixture with a wooden spoon until combined.
Turn dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead to make a smooth ball.
Roll dough out between 2 sheets of baking paper until about 7mm thick.
Use cookie cutters to cut out shapes (or make your own creations).
If wanting to hang decorations, use a skewer or straw to make a hole at the top of each one.
Place decorations on trays and bake for 2 1/2 hours or until firm and dry.
Transfer to wire rack to cool completely.
Paint and decorate.

Decorations will keep for up to 1 month.

These are a few of our creations. If anyone gives this activity a go, let us know how it goes...would be interested to see how the dough works with 3D creations like figurines :)